All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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