Soap is not a condiment
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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