Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
