They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
