The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
