her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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