He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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