I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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