I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
