Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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