I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
