The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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