Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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