Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
