This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Randomize
