i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
