Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
