i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
