Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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