Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
