so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
