My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
