I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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