I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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