If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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