hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
