Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
