I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
