Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
