Yo dont text me then not text me
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
