Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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