that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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