This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
