The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
