omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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