so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
