How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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