ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
