Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's the barista slut.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
