Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
