it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Someone came in the potted fern
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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