my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
