lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
