I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
