i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
