I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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