happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
