On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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