This girl is more easily done than said...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
