Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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