HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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