The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
