Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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